Still Alive

Hello.

The last time we spoke, I was going to kill myself.

My browser tabs were laid out like a story, it's interesting to look at which sites I had up there. Poetry, art, Samaritans, How to Quit Smoking, etc.

My room was messy because of my lazy effort to collect my stuff when my therapist said, "We're going to the hospital," for the second time.

I'll be bringing my computer back to the hospital with me. Only half of the screen works. When I left only a quarter worked. Funny how time fixes little things.

Hopefully, I'll get out of the hospital in a few days.

Over the next few weeks I'll share with you the past few weeks, in a series of posts I've tentatively titled "Life and Death in the Psyche Ward."

The past few weeks have been full of incredible events and life changing art and poetry. I want to share them with you, whoever you are, for posterity's sake if nothing else.

No, I'm not going to kill myself. That's shifted to plan B. Plan A is to try this recovery thing once more, and see if it works out. Maybe in another six months I'll hit the hospital again. Last time was April 7, this time was October 6. Maybe it'll be April 5 next year. I hope not, but who knows. Recovery is exhausting. I've made a lot of progress but my endurance only lasts so long. I'm trying to set up a better support system which, astoundingly, includes my family. We'll see how far it goes.

Anyway, just wanted to leave a brief message. I'm not sure when my next one will be. I plan to program an interactive Flash rotation of my many sculptures. To give an idea, I have a seven part sculptural series called Emotion Sign Language, I have four masks, several clay roses and at least one abstract, and that's just the sculptures.

I'll leave it there. Thanks for reading. I have 648 emails from the last four weeks to catch up on.

--Lily