Monday, October 5, 2009

Where I am

These meds aren't doing anything for me anymore. I don't think they ever really did in the first place, I think my improved mood came from a renewed life. I want to get off of them. My moods have been so unstable it's like I'm bipolar, and it's entirely possible that the meds are influencing that.

These are all the 'common' symptoms. I crossed out all the ones I haven't experienced and bolded the ones that have been really pronounced.

Abnormal dreams; anxiety or nervousness; chills; constipation; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dryness of mouth; heartburn; increased sweating; loss of appetite; nausea; stuffy or runny nose; stomach pain or gas; tingling, burning, or prickly sensations; trembling or shaking; trouble in sleeping; unusual tiredness or weakness; vomiting; weight loss

These are the less common mention to your doctor type:

Change in sense of taste; muscle tension; yawning; changes in vision, such as blurred vision; decrease in sexual desire or ability; headache; chest pain; feeling of fast or irregular heartbeat; mood or mental changes; ringing or buzzing in ear

And these are the rare bad ones:

Convulsions (seizures); itching or skin rash; lightheadedness or fainting, especially when getting up suddenly from a sitting or lying position; lockjaw; menstrual changes; problems in urinating or in holding urine; swelling; talking, feeling, and acting with excitement and activity you cannot control; trouble in breathing

I've attributed my occasional mania to various situations in my life and an unstable diet. I fainted once and figured I had needed more water, though I drink crazy amounts because my mouth is always dry, which I attributed to general nervousness and anxiety. I'm frequently lightheaded and have to sit or preferably lay down, which I know is the meds. The tinnitus has always been there but it's gotten worse. The heart palpitations are really freaky and disturbing, I feel like my pulse is going off at different times in different parts of my body - it's such a strong pulse it's like I feel the blood gushing through the veins and reaching down my legs and arms. When it's like that it often skips beats or just goes at random.

My back, neck and shoulders I've gotten used to, they all crunch constantly and the joints sometimes crack, and I try to rub them to alleviate the soreness and get rid of some of the crunchyness (I can't think of a better way to describe it), but that doesn't really help. I try to sleep in the right positions using a body pillow and good support but I generally end up in the foetal position anyway. I'm constantly getting chills and occasionally hot flashes, like my body can't regulate its temperature very well. I frequently notice myself trembling and can't stop, especially in my legs, which can be embarrassing in public. My nose is always runny, though my working theory had been newly developed summer allergies, which had been supported by a random extremely itchy rash I had on the back of my leg, which I see is another effexor symptom. And my eyes sometimes go blurry on me, making me have to squint to read signs, which is another kind of freaky thing to deal with.

Now, a lot of these symptoms are things that I'm sure I'd have without the meds. Anxiety causes them, and I don't sleep well at all and can hardly blame meds for that, I don't get enough exercise and I've never been able to stay asleep, I have awful nightmares.

Honestly, it feels like Effexor is being more trouble than it's worth, considering I'm still very depressed a lot of the time and I still have bad anxiety, really bad anxiety now that I have all these responsibilities stacked up.

I wish there was an answer in a pill, but I don't think it works that way, not with my situation.


  1. well, at least you don't have seizures... seriously, that's a lot of side effects you are experiencing. You won't just stop cold turkey, though, will you? Seems like that could be dangerous...

  2. No fucking way I'd stop cold turkey, that's the worst torture I've ever experienced. I missed two days and nearly lost my mind, and it just got worse and worse. I can't even begin to describe how awful it was, I think it may have traumatized me a little.

  3. I bet it did. I think when we look at an experience as torturous, it really is... it creates a long lasting fear of a repeat experience or a similar experience caused by something else...