Day in a Bottle

Day in a Bottle

Light blue paint in smokey water,
reds and violets drifting through
She's in the bushes, couldn't spot her
Hide and seek is my game too.

If I could take the day,
and put it in a bottle
I would toss it overboard and sail to tripoli
I could do oh so much more with so much less
but here I am, locked up in a world of excess

Yellows, greens, blue and orange,
black trees white trees brown trees too,
Leaves are falling, seasons change,
they just hope they grew.

If I could take the day,
and put it in a bottle
I would pack it full of candy just for you and me,
I could do oh so much more with so much less
but here I am, locked up in a world of excess

Silver streaks through dark blue skies,
light blue shining over white,
What's that look there in your eyes,
What is in the air tonight?

If I could take the day,
and put it in a bottle
I'd break it open lost forever just you wait and see
I could do oh so much more with so much less
but here I am, locked up in a world of excess

Creative Cycle

So, this is another project I'm working on, maybe. It's a small part of it, at the very least.

I like vomit as a metaphor for the creative process. I think it's all just regurgitation with different flavors and colors that come from inside of you. You know, vomit.

I kind of want to animate it in watercolors. It's so visceral, so crazy and so fun I can't help but get excited about it.

Emotion Sign Language.

"DEPRESSION"

I spent time in the psychiatric unit of a hospital for most of October. While I was in there, I made hands. Eight of them. Six came out especially meaningful, so I'll show them here. Click the images for larger versions. They have veins and fingernails and are excruciatingly detailed using the tine of a plastic fork, a spoon, a paper towel and a toothbrush.

"ANXIETY"

This one took days for me to do. I was unhappy with it six times, mashing it up after each. The seventh time I used a new technique, molding parts and hanging them off a plastic cup first then compositing them.

"PAIN"

"PANIC"

"OVERCOME"

"Overcome" was particularly meaningful. It was when I felt like I was clawing my way out of my depression and trauma issues, I was forced onto a path of recovery and I was doing my best to make the most of it. I don't know what I would have done without sculpture. My parents dropped off some Crayola Model Magic, which is what all these are made from, when they came for the second family visit. That was so much better than the first. The first left me wanting to jump through my window, and I tried.

"PASSIVITY"

To balance out the intensity of all the others I decided to make one that is truly at peace. This one took me hardly any time at all to make. I was in a calm, peaceful place for once. I've gotten so used to turbulence that when it abates it's really special to me.

Well, that's everything. I have lots more art to document, but I'm out of good hands. I made a couple more but I don't think they're as good as these.

Topiary finished!

Finished!

So, now I have to plant it and start the vines. I'm thinking of getting some English Ivy to wrap around it while the Creeping Fig grows. It's a big leaf, but might look nice to contrast the small leaf. I'm not going to right now though, I used up my paycheck. On the right is a slightly different angle so you can see more of the scale and shape of it. I still have some minor adjustments to make, squishing in the hands a bit and such. They're a bit big, as you can see on the left, but that's because I wanted fingers and that's just how big they turned out at their absolute smallest practical size. They should be able to squish in a little more though, which will help.

I had to find a bunch of ways to support it the arms and the head. They didn't want to stay in their position, so I had to string wire from 2/3 up the arm and lace it down to the metal rod from a slightly higher position than I wanted, knowing it would settle a little. They're good where they are now and I think they'll stay.

I dropped myself in there for scale. She's about 1/2 life size, maybe slightly more. The potter growing out of her chest dictated her size, in a way, because I needed a decent area for a plant in there and the roots needed space to grow. Hopefully it will be okay with just this size, because it's really not too expandable. I'll be putting a plastic pot in her chest with the natural fabric stuff as just a plate for collecting excess water so the sphagnum moss doesn't mildew or mold. Plastic for the light weight. Otherwise I'd think terra cotta.

Oh, and there was one more innovation. I used some J-B Weld to secure the rod to the base, and I'm securing the lady's position to the rod later today. She can spin a little right now and I don't want that.

So, it's almost done. It'll be a three-day crazy adventure. I'm so excited to watch it grow.

EDIT:: Okay, all done! I have to get more plants, but this is what I have, all set up!

EDIT 2::

I cut the rod off. It was disturbing.

Topiary progress report

Here's my current progress on the topiary. You can also see my cello case there on the right :)

Cathy said I rarely do anything the easy way. Well, I just did! I found an elegant solution to my conundrum.

What I did was buy a cheap hanging planter with a stand, I'm not sure if it was supposed to have the stand or not but I used self checkout just incase.

You can see the stand and the base of the foot on the right. It's working well! I just shoved a 1/3" metal rod through the topiary and into the base. I need to get something to cut the rod, but it seems to be standing without bending too much so I'm content

The basket I bought also came with this handy dandy natural bowl that will give me the drainage I need!

I look sleepy in that pic. I blame the seroquel.

So, now I need to cut that bowl to form and shove it in the lady's chest so she can have some plants growing out of there. I need to come up with a good name for her. My sister Kim could do it I bet. I just fired off a text to her, we'll see if she comes up with anything.


So, the march goes on. She's worth about $100 now in materials and I need more sphagnum so when I'm done, she'll be worth maybe $120. I could sell her for much more though!

Such an exciting project. She reminds me of the dryads from fantasia.

Topiaries?

It's the most random thing in the world, but I've gotten into designing this topiary. Well, I shouldn't say it's random. I'm obsessed with two things in my art: plants and people. So I'm making a living, technically breathing (in reverse) human being her arms up in exuberant ecstasy. It's made from chicken wire, sphagnum moss, ficus repens (creeping fig), a 14" garden bowl, and some other stuff. I need to get a steel rod and some cheese cloth before I can go any further than where I am.

I've molded the head, shoulders, torso (I'm placing a plant in her chest so the ficus can branch out from there, so it's open for now), and molded and stuffed the lower half of the torso and both legs. It looks really cool, I'm very excited for it, but I need to balance it carefully and find a good practical way to keep it supported. Maybe drill into the terra cotta pot (I just wrote terra cotta potta..) and secure it with bolts, but that runs a big risk of breaking the pot, especially if it tips over or there's pressure put on the sculpture. It's a dilemma.

I think I just need to balance it especially well with the arms reaching back more than I intended so it has a well-centered center of gravity. I'd like it off center but unless I... oh, I could use concrete. That's an idea. A very, very heavy one though. Not ideal. I need to bring this back with me to MA and use the sculpture studio / metal working tools at UMass to do what I want, I think. I'll see what I can improvise here, in any case.

This is very stream of consciousness, but sometimes it's nice to write, it helps me think things through and if anyone is curious about how my brain works when I'm making art this is a good example.

Counterweights! I could use a counterweight if I want it off center. But a well centered gravity might look good now that I've settled in to the idea. I like off-center because it gives it direction and motion, but if it's centered maybe the motion will be more upward, straight up. I just want it exploding up, vibrant, like a shining beacon, like an emmy statue or something. Except not holding anything, and no wings, and no awful gold. Living plants, it needs to be alive.

I need to sleep, I took my sleeping meds half an hour ago and they're doing their thing. Hope this post wasn't too scattered.

AT and OT

I've done a bunch of writing exercises for art therapy and occupational therapy while here, where we have half an hour to come up with a response to a prompt or are given a sheet to work with. Here's an example.

"My personal mission statement"
To find happiness, fulfillment, and value in living I, Lily, will:

Lead a life centered around the principles of Growth, Empowerment, Honesty and Fairness.

Remember what is important in life is Learning, Sincerity, Friendship, Relationships and Happiness.

Revere admirable characteristics in others, such as Passion, Commitment, Courage, Enthusiasm, Faith, and Patience, and attempt to implement similar characteristics in my own life.

Humble myself by acknowledging that I can be Impulsive, Reactive, Excessive, Insecure and Tedious and by constantly striving to transform my weaknesses into strengths.

Recognize my strengths and develop talents as a person who is Adaptable, Imaginative, Open-Minded, Sincere, Visionary and Insightful.

The words in bold are my words, and came from five pages of exercises to choose them. That one is structured. Here are my less structured ones.

little drummer girl
bata tum tum tum
march, little drummer girl,
enlisted in the draft.

my arms are tired,
my feet are sore,
my mind is in the past.

bata tum tum tum
little drummer girl,
marching day by day.

i could have jumped,
i could have flown,
but I have dues to pay.

march, march, march
little drummer girl,
the haze it drizzles on.

my glasses fog,
my vision's gone,
my feet ..start to slog.

march! keep marching,
you're a drummer girl;
you cannot think to stop.

i'll take a breath,
my glasses clean, and keep
marching step by step.

I'm so frustrated with being here. When I wrote this I was just counting the seconds before I could get out, back when the plan was to leave last friday. I made a series of sculptures to express my painful, bored exasperation with being trapped in here, which I'll share when I have access to a camera.

Here's one where the prompt was to come up with six animals I feel a kinship with and write a poem or short story including them all.

Creatures I admire
The spider weaves an intricate web,
delicate patterns to ensnare its prey.
A sting like a scorpion, quick to attack
whatever challenge might come its way.

The unicorn stands on its own, alone,
a whimsical freak for the mind.
The one footed crane stands alone in a pond,
its reflection rippling time to time.

A fox with its cunning, wit and charm,
strides through the forest with curious eyes.
It burrows a den, wraps itself then
transforms in a chrysalis. The butterfox flies.

I like the idea of a butterfox. I drew one when I was sixteen. It's a fun hybrid. Some of the stuff I'm sharing is a little embarrassing, to be honest, but that's okay. Yesterday I shared that chapter from a possible story about my time here, and before that I wrote an as-it-happens type of purge of what was going on, which was freaking me out. Anyway, this one I just wrote today. The prompt was to write a short story or poem about my superpower of choice.

"Something new about myself"
I'm sitting in my room begging to escape, watching swallows dip and glide. Suddenly there I am, feathers and beak, but the window is bolted shut. Then I'm a fly. I crawl through a tiny crack in the frame and zip outside, become a bird again and dip and soar with the swallows.

I land on the ground and I'm a snake, weaving through the grass and stones. I see a mouse and sneak up on it, ready to strike. It sees me and darts away.

Now I'm a leopard, silky sleek and teeth to kill. I slink into a group of trees and climb one. I clean my paws and watch the world go by, feeling comfortable and calm.

I see a man who used to taunt me walking alone and pounce on him with my claws out, calmly gnaw off his face and then step off him, letting him live. I transform into him, with his face, and say, "You sick freak. Get used to hearing that." Then I'm a bird again, exalting the rush of retribution. But slowly I feel worse and worse about my action.

I feel so guilty. I land and become an aloe plant, but it's a useless tack. I rise into a tree and reflect on my awful mistake as I soak myself with the sun's pure light. I grow.

I'm back in my room now. Outside isn't ready for me yet, and I need some way to keep myself from veering back to repeat my mistake. Those sorts of things take time, so I'll wait, for everyone's sake.

I want to get out of here, but I understand the need to wait. You should see what I made in OT today. It's a card, with the inside being my feelings and the outside being how I think I'm presenting myself to the people around me.

On the inside it said, in clipped magazine letters, "Fuck everything while I sleep. I want to leave!" But, I'm feeling alright now. Still frustrated but not so angsty.